Adopt a Jack Sparrow
by Miss Selarne
Summary: [Oneshot and Omake] Jack's hallucinations are really starting to bother him.
1. Adopt a Jack Sparrow

**A/N:** And I return to the fandom in which I posted my first story. I must thank At World's End for re-kindling my Pirates love. I also suppose this story will have some spoilers so if you haven't seen the movie, I ask you not to read this unless you enjoy being spoiled. Plus, I'll be squeeing over the movie at the bottom, not too much but a bit. Hope you enjoy. This one's a bit longer than the teeny first. (270-ish words? Wow, that was short.)

I can't write Jack at all…/cries/ Maybe I should actually read fanfics in this category…Nah.

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**Adopt a Jack Sparrow**

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Spending time in Davy Jones' Locker had unhinged Jack Sparrow. Or at least had made him crazier seeing as he already was before that little side-trip began. This was evidenced by the various _other_ Jack Sparrows which would not stop following him around. They were with him everywhere; when he was captaining his ship (_dinghy_, thanks, once again, to his mutinous crew,) when he was trying to enjoy his women, and, most importantly, when he was trying to drink his rum. No, the other Jacks would continuously prattle in his ear, demanding that they get to join in on the fun.

"Would you lot just shut UP!" Jack finally shouted at them. "I am trying to enjoy my vacation in peace, and you, my fellows, are making that impossible!"

"Hey," one of the hallucinations replied, "We just want to have some fun too. You never share the rum!" The others chorused in agreement, including the one buried in the sand up to his neck. "You just yell at us all the time."

Jack glared at the one speaking. "Well what else am I supposed to do? You bunch should go entertain yourselves." Jack lounged back in his chair. He needed to abandon his crew soon. Maybe he could sell them off to someone. After all, everyone loved Jack Sparrow, right?

A plan in mind, Jack stood up to notice all his hallucinatory clones had disappeared, even the few that liked to hide on his person. "Oi, where'd you go?" He frowned, before taking off into the jungle, knowing they couldn't have gone far on the deserted island.

Jack collected them all by sunset and lined them up. "All right, you scallywags," he said as he paced up and down, "You want some fun? How about we head to that port from yesterday! And we can all get some rum too!" There was much rejoicing. Rum would save them all!

So, thus did they set out, all crowded in to his tiny boat seeing as he didn't want another ship besides his Pearl and was perfectly content to wait for her to come back to him. They reached the port and Jack led the illusions to the shopping district. All the while, one of his little Shoulder-Jacks chattered into his ear how it was so nice they finally got to spend some time together without the other Shoulder-Jack to get in the way. That Jack was then tackled by the other Jack and they proceeded to tussle and fall to the ground. Which was a long way from Jack's shoulder, but they were okay except for a few bruises.

"Well, here we are!" the real Jack dramatically threw his arm out in front of him. "Go stand over there and wait for me to come back." The Jacks obeyed and the real one placed a sign in front of them before disappearing into the nearby tavern. The sign read:

_Adopt A Sparrow_

_20 Shillings_

_See Jack In Mel's Pub_

"Hey!" one of the clones shouted indignantly. "He's selling us off!" There was rebellious muttering before they disappeared off to do who-knows-what. Probably plan to get back at Jack by stealing his little boat and leaving him with absolutely nothing. They were conveniently ignoring the fact that they didn't really exist and therefore couldn't steal the boat. But of course, we're talking about Jack Sparrow(s), so maybe they could.

Inside Mel's Pub, Jack congratulated himself on his brilliant plan. No more annoying copies of himself and more money for rum! All that was left now was to snatch the Pearl back from the evil ones. And so, Jack Sparrow drank well into the night, and the next morning, and the night after that, before passing out and being thrown out.

For the record, the hallucinations did make off with Jack's little boat, causing much anger and disbelief that he would betray himself.

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**_**A/N:** That was much funnier in my head. Oh well. The third movie was just totally awesome. Jack's entrance, oh man. And I truly loved all his hallucinations. They were so much fun. And shooing the rock crab. Those things just make Jack, Jack. I hope I wrote him right. 

Review to adopt a Jack Sparrow today! You have your choice of Shirtless, Captain, Mini, Chicken, Goat Loving, and Davy Jones' crew.


	2. Omake

**A/N:** Blame for this completely falls on a picture of can-caning Jacks over at DeviantArt. And it wouldn't leave me alone.

**Adopt a Jack Sparrow - Omake**

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"All right mates, gather 'round," Jack told his clones. "This is our chance to finally hit it big. You lot ready?" Nods all around. "Let's go!"

Jack and his hallucinations lined up. They were this party's entertainment.

"Conga line!" Jack shouted. All the illusions grabbed each other's shoulders and began to conga. The party-goers joined in. Who doesn't love congaing?

"Can-Can!" he shouted next. Everyone clumped together and started doing a drunk can-can. Then The Rockettes appeared and showed everybody how it was _really_ done.

"Disco!" was the next shout. Everyone started to get a bit groovy while listening to the classic 70's music.

Most of the Jacks had snuck out by this time. Tango music came on and only one Jack was left, the Jones' crew one was tangoing with a grandmother. They all snickered and laughed at him until they realized he was actually a pretty good dancer. Then they were sad 'cause, you know, he doesn't have a brain. And they did.

"Well, this ain't no fun anymore…" a Mini-Jack said. "Who's up for a round of rum?" A chorus of "aye", and they headed to the nearest pub. Jones' Crew-Jack continued to tango, salsa, and ballroom dance with the old grandmother.

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**_**A/N:** Short, silly, unable to leave my head alone. I should be done with this now. 


End file.
